Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011

Some awesome things that went past...

1. Finished 10k in 3 running events.
2. Became a published writer. Yay.
3. Got lovely music gurus.
4. Drove 200kms on the coimbatore-bangalore highway.
5. Got a lovely garmin forerunner gadget. Double yay.
6. Most of the gifts I gave people this year were handmade.
7. Attended a 2 day spiritual retreat by velukkudi swamy. My year was made then itself!
8. Tried to lead a de-clutered life...not succeeded completely.
9. Learnt to cook healthy and have almost stopped wasting food. Win.
10. Made an attempt to talk to family and friends and keep in touch. Have a long way to go to improve this one..
11. Read some lovely books that inpired me to be a better person.
12. Wrote less. But wrote well ( i think) and hope i can do better in 2012.
13. Made atempts to lead life by being a little spiritually elevated. Major room for improvement here.
14. Wrote 2 whitepapers. Yay.

Had a very very bad year professionally. Moved to a new role and excited about it! Hope 2012 is better!

Very simple aspirations for 2012.

Live healthy. Live happy. Keep everyone around happy.

Cheers and have a good one!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Love makes you a bad person

I was just sitting by the window at a cafe waiting for my coffee. Earphones firmly plugged in my ears and tapping my fingers to the beat of AR Rahman's music. Something made me look up and stop tapping. I dont remember what exactly. Thats when I saw them. Just sitting quietly holding hands. His fingers gently caressing her hands and the small curve of her lips turn slightly broader. He ordered their coffee without taking his eyes off her. The waiter hurriedly wrote the order and backed off. She pulled back her hand and removed her hairband, to re-tie her ponytail. He continued to look at her, and she looked back him with a raised eyebrow. He burstout laughing and said, "Just how do you do that..create magic with one movement of your eyebrow haan?". She smiled mysteriously, and did not answer. He grabbed her hands again and held them in his own. As if afraid that if he left her for a second, she would melt away or leave him.

I felt something strange stir within while looking at them. Not sure if it was envy or maybe even a little jealousy. Something got stuck in my throat. Like, I could not breathe. I forced myself to look away from them. But there was something so magnetic and so strong about their feelings for one another, that I was forced to look at them again. I almost hated the fact that they had each other at that moment. And I had nobody. I was angry. That you were not around. To hold my hand like that. And to tell me how pretty my eyebrows are.

No, I am bad like that. No, I am mean like that.
Yes, I miss you like that. Yes, I love you like that.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Turning Three!


 Time has this unique way of melting away. You are just standing and watching with your hand outstretched, and just like ice, it melts through your fingers, falls on the ground and dissapears. 

We have been married for three years now. 

1095 days. 26280 hours. 1576800 minutes. 

Ok, we might not have been together every minute….but it definitely feels like it. The countless times we would have fought and made up, the countless times we have cooked for one another, made one another laugh, gone on walks, runs, lunches, dinners, cafe visits, music classes, library visits, trips and  events. The times we have just driven around, lost in silent thoughts. These mundane regular days moments fleet through mind as I aimlessly drive around the city, scaring people as I drive past.

It has been a mad mad whirlwind this far. What I especially loved about these three years, is being cherished. Ofcourse my parents and sister cherished me (and still do! ) for so many years, but its special that someone in the world, whom you did not know 3 years back,  thinks about you 24x7. Someone cares, if you have eaten or not. Someone wipes away your tears when you are sobbing. Someone watches you intently as you smile. Someone wonders what you are praying for, when you stand in the temple with folded hands. Someone tells you that you look beautiful, when you are wearing workout clothes. Someone helps you in the kitchen, when you are exhausted and can’t (be able to) move. Someone cares about your interests and tries to make it his interest too. Someone worries about you constantly. 

What is also interesting is that you learn slowly to reciprocate. You slowly learn to convert arguments into conversations, convert a frown to a giggle. Convert a chore (de-cluttering, cooking, filing papers, bills, bank work) to a bonding exercise. Convert a fitness activity to "our" time. Convert music practice time to "sessions. Give and take feedback, correct one another, mug lines together and when something goes terribly wrong, collapse into helpless giggling. You also learn to convert "his" people to "your" people. This is an always "work-in-progress" task and will remain like that for a few more years. But the learning curve is always there! 
It has been such a fantastic ride so far. I love most of my life's days. There are some that I would like to forget, and with time, I will. There are things I need to work on to smoothen out some things, which still have some wrinkles. Hoping next year and the years ahead will be like that! 

Happy Third Anniversary Balaji!
(This post is late by 4 days.....adjusht please!)

Friday, December 2, 2011

Dinner plans?

For a working woman, this is the most dreaded question.

After talking to a bunch of Food bloggers/foodies, i have managed to learn some tips and tricks. The below mentioned salad recipies are super quick, healthy, simple to make and very light on the stomach!

Yogurt based:
Chop onions, cucumber, capcicum, carrots. Keep aside.
If you have bioled corn or peas or any brown beans, feel free to add!
Mince garlic.
Heat the pan.
Pour a drop of olive oil.
Saute the garlic, mustard and a few dals, we like urud dal.
Take yogurt in a bowl and mix it well to get the consistency of sauce. Add salt and pepper as per taste.
Mix the sauted garlic with the yogurt.
Pour this as a dressing over your chopped veggies. Viola! In less than 10 minutes an awesome salad dinner is ready!

Soya sauce based:
Chop onions (longish), capcicum, carrots, tomato (finely) , minced garlic. If you have boiled corn or peas or any of the sprout variety, all the more better!
Heat pan, add a drop of olive oil.
Saute the garlic, onion and tomato.
Add soya sauce, salt and pepper.
Add this to the chopped veggies and mix well.
Another awesome salad ready in 10 minutes with 2 vessels to clean up afterward!

Cornflour based:
We went for a dinner date to pure and natural and had this salad. Highly recommend!

Cook peas (or any of the bean variety will also be good, brown bean, rajma, chickpeas and the like) and set aside.
Take 2 teaspoons of corn flour and mix well in water.
Heat the pan and add the cornflour.
Saute the peas or any other bean you have, add salt, pepper, chilliflakes.
Pour the liquid cornflour in the pan and stir well. And serve.
You can add chopped onions, corriander as dressing.

Buying salad dressing from the store is not advisable. They just carry preservatives and add extra calories.

Eat healthy, think better. Ting ting ti ding!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Sweet November?

November is supposed to be a sweet month. I quite don't know what to make of it so far. It has been hectic mostly.

  • Exercise and eating right, thanks to all the panner I ate in Oct during my vacation :-/
  • Watching a movie in the middle of the night.
  • Learning to drink green tea.
  • Contributing to Rang De as a social investor.Each time I want to eat out or spend on something that I don't need, I step back and think of the Rang De borrowers.
  • Finished learning Mohanam varnam in record time.
Flip-side:
  • Havent touched paints in ages.
  • Haven't written a word on my travel blog post my travel.

Lets see what more November has to offer! Bring it on baby!

Friday, October 21, 2011

F(H)airy Tale

Nihira looked at Dr.Anuj in disbelief. When she walked into the clinic in the morning, she was so sure her reports would be negative, but it was not. How could it be? She was a model and she took very good care of herself. During her yearly checkup, she had casually mentioned to the doctor about her stomach cramps. The doctor examined her and instantly became skeptic. He hid his fears from her and told her to come back for a battery of tests and samples. They had sent her samples for biopsy and the reports confirmed his suspicion. In front of him right now, sat a stunningly pretty girl with lovely eyes and silky smooth hair, whose body was slowly getting eaten up by cancer.

He almost wanted to reach out to her and hug her. Since it was against the protocol, he remained where he was, gently telling her what lay ahead. He gave her details of chemotherapy and told her in a calm voice that they were going to fight this, come what may and get the cancer out of her system.

6 months later, of extremely painful treatment and being in and out of the hospital, fighting cancer alone, she lay on the hospital bed. Pale, large eyes and bald. All her hair that she had loved, nourished and took pride in, was gone. Each morning, she would wake up with locks of hair on the pillow and weep. Finally she had to get it shaved. It was the day after that she had shaved it all off, that she noticed that he had awesome shoulder length hair. She looked at it and felt so bitter about her situation. With her hair gone, she somehow felt less of a woman.

But, she withstood all her pain with a brave face, took his advice and believed that she would survive this. She took a break from work, told her parents and friends that she was going overseas for an assignment and would remain in touch with them through phone. She bore it all alone, informing her doctor that she would not have any visitors.

And now, it was done. She had won the battle after two very painful surgeries and almost half her stomach removed. He walked in cheerfully that day to her room and told her she was going to be alright. She told him, that she already knew that, because he was so good and it was by his skill and kindness that she was on her path to recovery. He looked at her then and asked her, if she would like to have some tea with him. She touched her bald hear, and reluctantly agreed. He said, he would take her out the next day and he promised her that it would be a great time for both of them. She was perplexed by his remark and was kept awake by his thoughts. All these days, she had seen him as her doctor, as her ray of hope. Today, she looked at him differently, as a friend, as her only companion who helped her fight this terrible disease, or maybe someone more, she was not sure.

He came for his rounds the next day, all clean shaven and with an army haircut. She looked startled by his striking looks. But what she saw and liked more was the kindness that shone in his eyes. "Good morning", he called out cheerily and she asked him why he looked so happy and so different. He laughed and said, that he had bought her a present and handed a brightly packed cover. As she tore it open, and saw the gift, her cheeks became wet with her tears. He had cut his hair, made a lovely wig out of it for her! He looked at her, grinned and helped her try it out. She looked so cute, even better than her original straight silky hair. She looked up to him and said, "This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me. How do I ever thank you?". He knelt on the ground with a ring on his hand, held out to her and said "Just say yes, Nihira!".

This story was written as a part of Dove Contest on indiblogger.in

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Quarter-Life-Crisis.

(definitely more than a quarter and all *ouch*, I just like to think.. quarter.)

Quarter-Life-Crisis.

There. I have said it. I have NO clue which way I am headed. I have a good education.  Fantastic parents, a very sweet crazy sister. A very nice and caring husband. A job , that pays my shopping bills. I shop occasionally, mind you. Like once in 3-4 months. That too for 5 hours straight. I try out every single garment in the store, till either the store closes, or they throw me out or the husband faints out of exhaustion.

I digressed. See, this is the problem. I still have NO clue where I am headed.

So, I was saying I have a decent live-able life. I have ample hobbies, music, books, food (off-late), painting, running, biking, kickboxing and all that. But still. Half the time, I walk around with that, "what? why? when ? how? " kind of look. Pretty much some sort of empty feeling. Again, its empty. Its not heaviness. If it was, I can find the reason and fix it. Its just...empty.

There is definitely something missing. Like an important piece. I know there is more I can do with life, to help other people, contribute back to the society, do something for the city I live in and so on. But I don't know what to do and where to start. I need to make this shift from being "mediocre" to "awesome" perhaps? I don't know. Honestly.

This important piece. I cannot find it. And I know nobody can help me find it except myself. My blog has probably borne the most of my rants. This one has been an epic rant thus far. And looks like I will keep looking and ranting till I find that missing piece. God help us all.
 
Sigh.  

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Rockstar.

How to start? Where to start?

Kun Faaya Kun ? Katiya karoon ? Sheher mein ? Naandan Parindey ? The Instrumental pieces?

Where? Where does one start when one wants to rant about the awesomeness of ARR's music? I was always unsure, to like Mohit Chauhan or not to like Mohit Chauhan. I am officially now a Mohit convert. The dude is amazing!!! What an album ARR has come up with ! Cha.

My heart smiles after a very long time.

God bless ARR. Keep Rocking.

I <3 you ARR. Enough said.

Your humble and a small time devotee,
Vasumathi Sridharan

Friday, September 30, 2011

Navrathri Golu - Season 3

After Season 1 and Season 2 , Season 3 kick-started without too much hype and without too many guests this year. By the time I arranged the dolls, it was close to midnight and this is what my golu looks like!



I am very particular about giving handmade gifts to people these days. Last year, I had painted some diyas, and this year I was blank and at short notice, I quickly bought some paaku-mattai and decided to paint it. What do you need:
  • Areca leaf plates  / Paaku mattai
  • Acrylic paints
  • Brushes
  • Some Mirror pieces
  • Glue
Warning: This was time consuming. To make 5 pieces I took more than an hour. Attempt it if you have time on your hands. a glimpse of what it looks like,


And the usual Sundal Saaga continues this year as well. Do consider this as a personal invitation and drop by for some yummy sundal and one of these cute and colourful showpiece :)

Happy Navarathri!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Happy Birthday B!


I am learning everyday.
What you are good at and what you are so not.
There are things I love about you and some so not.
I want to hug you, and at some other time want to throw something at you.

You say the cutest things and make me smile and at other times, I cringe with your inappropriateness. You look like a stud when you make an effort to dress up and at others you look like a haggard old man, with that lousy uncombed look and overgrown beard :/

First birthday together, I tried buying you shirts, hoping you will like them and you hated them. On your second birthday together,I tried surprising you with a midnight party,You yelled at me for waking you up at 12.On the third birthday together,I wished you early in the morning,
you say, "you got your dates mixed up. Its not today, its tomorrow", and you confused me. I gave you a handmade card with some words in tamil, you pointed out spelling mistakes.

And yet, everyday, every meal,
You check if I ate. Every morning, you insist that I give you a hug,
If I have a late night or early morning meeting,
You make me coffee to ensure I dont get a headache,
If I am exhausted, you make me food.
You walk around as though your life revolves around me.
You know if I am down without me telling you and try every PJ possible to make me smile.

I cant sometimes figure you out.
At other times, I like to tell myself I know everything about you.
Huh, who the hell am I kidding?
I think I will still say this after 30 years,
Looks like, I need to learn. Everyday.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Dear BSNL, WTF!

My husband's phone display broke a week ago and we decided to give away the phone and port the number to Airtel.

For Mobile number portability, one needs an UPC code which the current service provider (unfortunately BSNL in this case) needs to give.

He could not even make calls, so on behalf of him, I called BSNL Customer care.
BSNL Bangalore Customer Care : 9448024365 btw does not work.  Try1503 instead.

I did the usual Press 2 for English, Press 2 for Post-paid and Press 9 to talk to customer care executive. This call is recorded for blah blah nonsense. The call would get connected, someone would put me on hold and call would get disconnected.

Repeat the above 4 times.

Got lucky the 5th time around. One lady obviously not knowing English (despite having pressed 2 for English answers) I understood and spoke in kannada.

Me: "Madam, I need UPC code for my husband's number, his phone is not working can you help?"
CC: "check maadthini.. " (will check) and put me on hold for 8 minutes.

Comes back after coffee break.

CC :"Hold ge dhanyavadhagalu. (thanks for being on hold). Send sms to 1909 and type your number" .
Me: "No. Its 1900 for getting the UPC code. I tried, work maadtha illa"
CC: "1909 and 1901 same madam". #EH ??
Me: "Its not working madam. Can you please give the code?"
CC:"No madam. what purpose UPC code want? Many people want away from bsnl. Against policy."
Me: Sigh. "Can I talk to your manager?",
CC:  "aatarah illi yaaru illa..naavu ella peoples here" #Eh #Peoples????
CC:"Manager beku andre, office ge direct hogi. Naavu ella peoples ." #Again #peoples???

Me: "Duh. Ok. thank you."

BTW, after the call, I tried again using 1909 and its a number for registering DND.

Feedback form on website : http://www.bsnl.co.in/feedback.htm says "FUNCTIONALITY DISABLED".

This is some serious WTF.

Can someone help?

Monday, August 8, 2011

The silent raga

It had been almost 3 weeks since I read a book and was itching to get my hands on one. I had tons of time on my hands and decided to read a book more than 450 pages. I just picked this book 'the silent raga' by Ameen Merchant, without reading the cover or without a glance at the name of the author. I read super fast and can finish a book that big in about 2-3 hours. I wanted to go slow and easy and read this one in 2 days.

I did just that. I read this slowly. Very slowly. Enjoyed every word, every line and every sequence. I loved all the characters. Janaki the most ofcourse! The book is based on the life of 2 tamil brahmin girls. The book is heavily layered with Carnatic music and the life of orthodox families in an agraharam (a cluster of families of the same caste). A few characters could have been given more importance. Asgar, Janaki's husband for example. Its  not clear how Janaki meets Asgar and how she got married to him. Some mysterious threads have left untraveled.

Despite all this, Janaki lives with you long after you have shut the book. Its not her veena, its not her wise words or her deeds or her pain. Its her silence that lives with you. The silence that refuses to go away. How much ever you try to shake it off.

PS: This is not a review of the book. I just had to get Janaki out of my system by writing about her. But I doubt that happened and will happen :)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A moment in time






She Woke up listening to the chirping of birds
With no agenda for the day,
Keep her feet on the cold floor and stretched.
Her eyes fell on the window,
She turned away thinking the view was a picture or a calendar.
She looked again, closely and stood very still.

That is when she saw the gradual movement of the clouds over the snow covered peaks.
She watched as the sun gradually turned the peak silver and then turned it to gold.
She stood watching the birds fly by,
She heard the mist dripping from the leaves,
A few cattle grazing on the green meadows,
On a normal day, she would have frantically run for her camera,
Today, she just stood holding the window pane,
Tears rolled down her cheek as she stood
mesmerized by the spell that nature had cast on her.


Sunday, July 17, 2011

A dream

She lay worrying about her future.
She wondered what sort of a guy he will be like.
She struggled to fall asleep and tossed and turned.
She was restless and perhaps having one her dreams.

Will he dominate? Will he be a pain?
Will he be the mommy-mommy types?
Will he be his own person, having his own life?
Will he be the types to care about her parents?

Will every wish of hers be fulfilled?
Will he give her her space?

Will he be her dream?
Will she be truly happy with him?


Will he ever dance with her to some random song on the radio?
Will he feed her popcorn as she watched her favorite movies?
Will he hug her every morning and tell her he loves her?
Will he watch her silently as she dressed with love in his eyes?

Will he tell her everyday that she is the most beautiful woman alive?
Will he say that she is the most important person in his life?

She suddenly woke up,
To see the sweetest questions of her dream answered.
She gently pulled the blanket over him, brushed away the hair on his forehead.
She slept with a smile on her lovely face.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

He made the minister smile!

It has been almost 2.5 years now that I am married to B. Over these years that I have known him, he has been simply fantastic to me. He has opened up new avenues. Taught me a lot of cooking, taught me to stand in front of the mirror for a few minutes more than I used to earlier (I used to wear clothes twice my size, random combinations, just run a comb thru my hair and I would be done, now I take a little bit more effort and well, still look the same :D). Taught me to never take things too seriously. He also taught me an important lesson.  Fight fair (well, I am still getting there I think, There are times I am pretty unreasonable and simply lose my cool and yell at him).

There are a lot of things I started doing after knowing him like painting, learning random songs, running, cooking (eat my pasta and then tell), biking, driving a car, lot of blogging now, travel a lot more than I used to and I can probably go on and on.

Hang on. Is this all getting too muchly mushy? Well. I can write a book on B by now, but it has taken him this long to write a post for me.

Here it is. Simply awesomely cute and very very touching. Making the minister smile .
Minister it seems :D

Tell me you love it as much as I do!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The burrday tales

So, I turned a year older and had a fabulous time! We did a night trip to Gopalaswamybetta, saw some awesome sunrise, sunflower fields, mountain covered with mist, a lovely quaint old temple. I spotted a elephant herd and we had a great time with close friends!

Balaji planned a midnight surprise party and the cake was so yum that he now has to break open the door for me to enter the house :/

Spent a lovely day watching Kungfu Panda with my niece and nephew and some awesome Thai food with friends in the evening.

For people who asked me, "what gift did B give you?", I say, "He himself is a gift. I don't want anything else from him.". I know. I am smart like that and he is lucky like that.

Birthday wishes for the year?  A thinner me and and a more peaceful world.

Monday, June 27, 2011

New paint on old wine (bottles)

I get bored sometimes. You know? Like I don't know what to do with my time. At such times, I read random blogs of how to make something useful for the home without investing anything big. A wine bottle was lying in my balcony for over a year. I just decided to dab some paint and see how it goes. The results blew me away. A bunch of birthdays of teammates came up and being the employee engagement team member, we had to come up with an innovative and inexpensive idea. I asked people to give me wine bottles and the pic below is the end result.

What you need:
Used wine bottles
Acrylic paint
One size 14 Brush
One used and tooth brush
Some cotton swabs

and kabaad to jugaad happens like this in about 10 minutes!
Old wine

Sunday, June 26, 2011

A second chance

She sat quietly and looked at the lovely landscape, seeing nothing really. Just stared at nothing but vast lands of green that rushed past her. It got colder and she pulled the shawl closer around herself. Her friend owned a beautiful heritage home in lush green lands of Coorg and she was going for a break. "Break", she said softly to herself and shook her head. Kids were grown up and gone. She hardly even knew her husband anymore. He was always busy. Traveling , working and being an important man for the country's government. Usual story of the mother being the prime caretaker and the father being a guest in their lives. They had just drifted apart without realizing it. It made her sad to think the kids did not even know their dad well enough, not that it mattered anymore. She needed sometime to think about her life and what she would do with it.

He got out of the car and stretched. It had been a long drive for him. He had had nothing to eat all night as he drove, and he was starving by the time he had got here. He convinced himself that food was the last thing on his mind and yet the growl in the stomach told a different story. He picked his small travel bag and walked into the elegant house. He had always loved being here. He loved the green, the mist, the smell of wet earth, and the coffee. A sound of a car behind him jolted him and he turned to see a very striking woman emerge from the car. He took a closer look and felt as if someone kicked him in the gut.

He stood rooted to the spot. She looked up sensing someone looking at her and automatically smiled politely, and one second later, her face lost its colour. They looked at one another for what seemed an eternity, as if in a trace and at the same time a feeling of something twisted on the inside.

The owner came to greet them and the spell was broken. They forced themselves to pick up the bags, walk, thank the driver, greet the owner. Do something, anything normal as against what they were feeling. She decided she would just leave immediately. She could not bear him to be so near and not see him, not talk to him, not touch his face that she had once so well loved. He sat quietly at the breakfast table. Waiting for her to join him so he could look at her. That lovely heart shaped face that was etched in his mind and heart for so many years. He looked up at a sound and saw her approach the table. She sat down quietly and refused to meet his eye. He saw that her hands shook as she got herself a glass of water and without a word, pushed up her chair , told her friend that she would be resting and did not wish to be disturbed and walked back to her room.

He took a plate of food with him and knocked on her door, and just stared at her with a small smile on his lips as she opened the door. "Hi", he said simply, while she just stared at him. Automatically her hands clenched into fists to keep them from shaking. "Nice room you have here, do you come here often with your family?" he asked and she just nodded. "How is your wife?", she inquired, more out of curiosity than her impeccable manners. "Fine", he said and he handed her the plate. "I was starving and I am sure you are hungry too, just bought you some food", he said. She just said, "Sweet of you Ram", and turned away. "Please Resh, can we be friends ? After so many years that passed by, I am sure we can atleast be friends? Hmm? Please?". Startled, she realized nobody had called her that since she was in college. She quietly offered a nod in answer. Relieved, he said, "Great, I know this place well. There are some great places to hike and spend time. Would you like to go with me?". Not having any reason to say No, she nodded again.

They packed sandwiches and set off the next morning for a small climb through the lush greenery. It was a beautiful morning and they got talking about themselves and their family. Suddenly, the found themselves confessing about their respective unhappy marriages and empty lives. They found themselves cursing themselves for wasting their lives. They suddenly found themselves wishing they had made better choices and they found themselves cursing their destiny for having separated them when they were young and so much in love. They sat silently for a while thinking about their lives, their spouse, children and wondering what they would say if they saw them now. Would they be shocked, would they understand ? Would they heap abuses at them ? Would they accept the reality?

Instead of finding comfort in each other's presence , they found themselves confused as she thanked him for a nice day and said goodnight. She was leaving the next day and said she would leave her contact details with him and they would see how to take this further.

She woke up the next day, tried to stay calm and composed as he hugged her tight to say goodbye. She wiped her tears and handed him a folded paper. He thanked her for giving her contact details and walked to the door. Waved for as long as he could see her driving away and walked back in with a pain in his heart. "No more pain . I found her again and life is going to be beautiful again. I will laugh, sing, write poems and enjoy the sunrise and sunsets with her till the end of my life. I desperately hope she wants to do the same. Please God. Please", he thought quietly. He opened the folded paper to memorize her address and stood pained as he started into a plain white paper and heard his heart break into a thousand pieces.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Because, I miss you

what the heck is it really?
what is it about your smell and your presence
what is it?
why cant I just be normal around here without you?
why the heck do I suddenly turn into some dammed zombie?

why do you really have to do this?
you know how I hate to be without you.
you know it.
then why did you have to go?

I cant think straight enough to compose a decent post.
I cant sing one goddammed song without remembering you.
I cant stay for one whole hour without mentioning your name.
I am sick of looking at my phone every 5 minutes for an SMS.
You know what dude? I am not going to care anymore.
I am NOT going to be worried sick about you.
I am going out now. To eat my favorite pastry from Daily Bread.

PS: Sorry about the rant. Never mind me. Go and enjoy yourself. We only live once.

Friday, June 3, 2011

The question mark

Communication
Music
Running
Biking
Travel
Painting
Reading
Writing
(Social)Networking
Cooking
Interior Decoration
Languages
Buying gifts for people
Collecting Tanjore Paintings
Vishishtadvaita

.. are a few things I am passionate about. I can talk about and do these endlessly, and yet, I don't have a dream. And I suddenly do not like that thought.


Help?

Thursday, May 12, 2011

the search..

She lives in a beautiful home. Warm and safe and sweet smelling. Her room has a lovely view. She is well loved by her parents and friends. Like most of us, she works, drives (her car and bike and cycle and a geared bike) (ahem..she also drives us crazy!), eats, sleeps, reads (like she is possesed), listens to music, dreams, is well respected by co-workers, smiles at strangers, loves children, is into fitness, loves playing basketball and treats her pet doggie as her own brother and secretly feeds him food from her plate (when her mom is not looking ofcourse!).

Like most of us, she wants a family. Of her own.

Whats the problem? You ask?

She is married (with the usual pomp and show). And divorced (sad story ofcourse!).

So? You ask?

So, the process of finding a life partner after being hurt once, is complicated to say to the least. One tends to put up a guard and loses one's original bubbly self. It is hard to trust again. It is hard to start over. Most of us would not have the guts to even think about it. But she has the guts and is not afraid of the so-called "society", that magically vanishes when you actually need help. She says she has been hurt, but is willing to give life a chance. Another chance. Another chance to see her smiling and happy and safe (and for a change, in the right arms)

Most matrimony websites have fake profiles in the 'Divorced' or 'Annuled' category. Word of mouth returns Null.

But, the search is on.....

Saturday, May 7, 2011

.....

Mind.is.blank.

And.its.best.this.way.

Friday, April 15, 2011

5.45AM

I do think I have a pretty smile and that my eyes are lovely. I am my own favourite and I think I am beautiful in my own way.

But, I am suddenly not liking myself. I do not smile at myself in the mirror anymore. Everything about my life is going wrong. Most relationships, work, health, art ..well thats sums up my life.

I have to make everything good again. I need to begin this by becoming an early riser. Its becoming harder by the day since I have late night calls at ungodly hours. I am becoming addicted to the snooze button. I cannot move in the mornings. I do not have the inclination to wake up.

But I NEED to wake up early. Else I feel dirty about myself.

Crib over. What am I going to DO?
1. Sleep early (with happy thoughts) and get good rest.
2. I am going to buy myself a pretty alarm clock in pink colour, that rings loud and am going to keep it in the next room. So that I wake up , walk that distance and switch it off.
3. Try not saying "2 minutes please" everytime someone wakes me up
4. Jump out of the bed everymorning and think "Today is going to be a good day".

What do I need from you?
Help. Support. Love and if possible a Good morning call at 5.45AM.  If you want to be my alarm buddy, send me an email. I will gladly give you my number!

PS: do not ask me what time I wake up these days. I am not going to tell you anyways.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Its about time.

I have had enough.
Enough of mopping around.
Enough of cribbing.
Enough of feeling blue.

EVERYTHING has being going wrong for the past few days.
Time to take matters into my hands. To hell with everyone who is making me feel down and out.

Time to make workout fun.
Time to make cooking fun (will start by remembering to add salt into whatever I cook).
Time to enjoy painting (Colors, here I come!).
Time to learn music well (and stop getting yelled at in every class {infront of 10 year olds} ).
Time to Write something decent and STOP blaming the writer's block.
Time for a good sappy romantic novel. Nicolas Sparks, Please release the new book soon!
Time for an outing. Yay!!
Time to be back into people's lives and spam them till they are weeping!
Time for a spring cleaning session.
Time for some shopping and seeing the look on husband's face on reading the bill amount.
Time for curtain shopping (I can imagine the husband saying "Again? How many curtains do you want?")
But, right now, Its time for some dark chocolate!

Its about time. Dont you think?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Today

Its just one of those days,
I feel like smiling at a stranger
My heart is light and mind is clear
I know exactly what I want and what I need
There are smaller joys of life to be experienced
I smile at the sunset or a beautifully done painting
And I just smile. Just for having experienced that joy.
I spot a bird with blue wings and bright yellow beak
And stand very still. Afraid to scare it away.
On a bright hot evening, there is a sudden drizzle
With a lovely soft mellow song playing in the background
And I find such peace and calm deep within.
Its just one of those days.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Heartbeat

When the moonlight streams in through the window
And the only sounds are that of your steady breathing
I gaze at the stars and the almost full moon
I look up to see your peaceful sleeping face,
A smile plays upon my lips
A warm fuzzy feeling fills a tiny corner of my heart
Thankful for this moment,
When I am completely secure, content and
Simply loving the sound of your heartbeat.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

the alumni meet

It was a walk down the memory lane for him. He walked past the school corridors with images flashing in his mind. He had been punished here. Made to kneel down with his hands above his head. He had cracked jokes with his friends and wished teachers as they walked past. He tried to recollect the school prayer and could not remember anything past the first few words. He smiled to himself.

He walked down to a sea of faces. Some looked vaguely familiar and some he waved out to, calling them by names. They all stood by quietly chatting and catching up on their lives. Then he saw her. Sitting in a corner unnoticed and furiously typing on her blackberry. He smiled involuntarily. She looked lovely in a black sari with gold border. He took his time to just watch her. The way her hair fell across her face and the way she brushed it back impatiently. He observed the khol in her eyes. But then, he smiled remembering she always wore khol. Even in school as a teenager, she used to look lovely to him, even in the grey uniform. His heart used to flutter when she walked past him. He used to wonder if she had heard it. He would wonder if she had seen it in his eyes. He wondered if she knew that he used to create reasons to go down to her floor hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

He could not hold back any longer. He softly walked to her, and whispered into her ears, "You look lovely today wifey"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Fragrance

I have always loved homes with nice smells. As a child I grew up in a very friendly neighborhood and was always up and about, playing with my friends in their homes. I always used to remember their home by its smell. One would smell of masalas, one would smell of incense, one would smell of medicine, one would smell...well the sugary sorts. But ofcourse, I loved the way my home smelt. It smelt of my dad's aftershave. And that used to offer me a lot of comfort and security.

As I grew up a little, I started loving the smell of books. I would be constantly found in the library entrance, impatiently waiting for the apartment library to be opened. Once that phase passed and I entered college, I would get lost in the smells of either perfumes or soaps or even the smell of a computer lab. Our lab always smelt of burnt wires. Don't ask me why!

When I was a girl, I always wanted my home to be fragrant with scented candles or room fresheners.

Now that I am a woman, I only want my home to smell of love.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Random curiosity

It is quite early in the morning. And I am day-dreaming. About whom? You ask? You. Yes. You. I wonder who reads all this stuff that I write. I wonder if it touches you somehow. I wonder if you smile. I wonder if you cry. Do they just find me a silly girl or a dramatic one perhaps?


I am curious like that. I constantly what to know the whys and whats and whens and hows. I would like to know what goes on in your mind. I want to know what you are thinking right now. Does that sound crazy? Normal? Am I blabbering? Do you want to scream a "shut up" at me? Do you want me to write a bit more?

I want to know. Right now.

PS: Curiosity kills the cat, but I am still alive. Meaww!
PPS: Okay, I just re-read all that and it was really and totally....blah!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

This is me


Yes...this is me. And I like me like that. And I have been saying this even before Geet of Jab we met, was born. So there.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The baaba, the babe and beyond...

This honeymoon trip to Rajasthan changed everything. It changed my status from being single to married. It changed my lifestyle. It changed my dressing sense. It changed my eating habits ( I am now 10Kgs lesser than I was when I got married). It obviously changed my sleeping habits.


If you are thinking crude thoughts just now, you better shake them off.

Moving on, the one week that we spent travelling across Jaipur, Jaisalmer, Jodhpur, Chittorgadh, Udaipur and back to Jaipur was one heck of a trip! We still remember everyday, every fort, every chai pakodi stop, every peacock, every glorious sunrise, sunset and most definitely every camel we saw. My husband swears he saw our babloo strolling on the streets of Bangalore the other day. But thats another story.

So, back to why I am telling you a small part of my honeymoon is a contest by IndiBlogger.in in association with Cleartrip.com. I had earlier posted the purpose of my travel . But I will now reveal a memory behind it.

So, we went to this place called Chowki dhani, which is on the outskirts of Jaipur. A five star village resort, they call it. They have camel and elephant rides, massage centers, magicians, Rajasthani folk music and dance, giant wheel ,tree houses, loads of good Rajasthani food (sniff, I still smell the aroma of dal bhaati) and cots randomly placed for guests to lie down and gaze at stars. We were just strolling around and we spotted this astrologer sitting beside a small tulsi plant and he called out to us. He insisted on reading our palms and telling us our destiny. He was hilarious. He said that we will be rich, we will be healthy, we will have a great life and so on and posed really well for us. He read my palm and said we will have two kids. Balaji and me blushed so furiously at that one!! I mean, come on, we were literally strangers then, and this guy comes along with an impish smile and a twinkle in his eye and that is what he rattles on about! We had no idea where to look!


But anyway, we loved his style of speech, his Hindi with a Rajasthani accent. So much that we remember his cute smile and his comments and laugh on and off. It used to be one of our private jokes, but then, what the heck!

PS:I do NOT look so plump anymore :D
PPS: If you are in Jaipur, please go to LMB and eat the kachori and drink the yummiest lassi in the world. I promise you, you will not regret it.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

the conflict within

He stood gazing at the blue sea wearing a simple T-shirt and shorts. Very cold winds hitting him. He did not care. He felt nothing today. This was the place he had seen her for the first time. Her was leaning against the bridge and looking at the sea, deep in thought, as he suddenly turned on his right and seen her. He had fallen for her then and there. He had thought , it just must have been her lovely eyes and smooth and silky hair blowing against the wind. But it was much later that he realized, that it was a connection much deeper than her looks. There was something very strong about her. A quiet strength that she carried herself with. It was as if fate had got them closer somehow, when he figured she worked in the same building that he did. He used every tip in the dating rule book to get to know her and finally propose to her. She had happily accepted. They had been inseparable. She later confessed, she had been strongly attracted to him as well. They always laughed when they were together, spoke a lot about themselves, their background, liked the same sort of music and art. They felt at peace with one another.


Fate always has another rulebook altogether. She was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer and had been in her advanced stages.

The fight to cure her was all a blur to him now. As he stood and watched the waves from up high on that bridge. The doctor visits, the second, third and fourth opinions, watching her disappear into scary looking machines and coming out looking pale. The pain of Chemo. The nausea. The bouts of depression. The loss of appetite. Pleading with her to eat to get back her strength. Seeing her without hair and eyebrows. It had all been too much to take.

Then suddenly, the treatment was over. She asked him to take her to the bridge for a walk. He clearly remembered the last time they walked together on the bridge, oddly silent. Each lost in their thoughts. Each wanting to hold the other one's hand, but afraid to do so. Everything had then been just fear. Fear of being alone, fear of death, fear of moving on. Suddenly she grabbed his hand by force. Wanting to hold on forever. Looked up, said "I am scared. Thank you for being there". She looked oddly peaceful that day. He now wondered, why she had said "Thank you" and why she did not say "I love you". Was it a sign?

They had their doctors visit scheduled for the next day. With a grin, her doctor had told her that she had survived it. She had fought cancer and she had won the battle. The knot in his stomach eased. He felt light as she cried softly beside him with relief.

But they learnt something else that day. She had survived. But the relationship did not. Instead of bringing them closer, the illness had separated them from each other. They knew it deep in their hearts. Afraid to say it aloud. Afraid to face it. He told her he was going for a walk. And he came along right there to the very same spot where he had seen her for the first time. He felt that in his gut as he watched the sea from the bridge. He loved her, but then maybe he did not. He did not hate her though. He just did not know what he was feeling. Empty perhaps. Zapped out of energy. He was thankful she was going to live. But unsure if he wanted to live with her. For some reason, he did not want to go back to her. He just felt resigned by such strong opposite emotions, that he did not know where to go. He stood gazing as the sky turned orange and felt love for her. The sky then turned pink and he felt anger at himself that he could not go on loving her. The sky then turned black and then...he did not feel anything.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dance..over the wekend!


The pencil marks might go away, the music will remain.