Saturday, November 20, 2010

Just Me..

I have always wanted to live alone. Just by myself. With nobody to answer to. Nobody to care about. Nobody to care about me. These days, it seems to be a lot of effort to smile and talk. I just want to walk around with my head bent down. Not waving or smiling at anyone. Just want to get lost in a crowd of people. Unnoticed.


I feel like that sometimes even when I am surrounded by people. I tune them out. I smile and talk on auto-pilot. I just want to be left alone.

I am alone now. In a very pretty hotel suit. With a coffee in my hand, a nice view of the swimming pool from up above. I am Alone and yet surrounded by my family. Mom dad on phone, my husband on messenger and aunt and kids on voip. Friends calling the hotel and chatting to keep me company.

I always for some reason think, I won’t miss anyone. And I will be fine by myself. But i was wrong. I miss everyone. So much that it’s like physical pain. I walk around with a knot in my stomach. It refuses to loosen up. For once, I don’t want to be alone. I want to go back to the warmth of my mom and dad. I want to go back home and punch my sister, pull her nose and hair. Yell at her for being a pest. Bug my friends. Miss the world famous PJ's of the husband and yearn for the comfort he offers with his presence.

I think I learnt something new about myself. I hate being alone.

PS: I am in the States and if you want to catch-up, drop me an e-mail.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Homecoming..and the aftermath

I had gone away for a while
I had forgotten what it was like
to snuggle into your arms
to smell the smell that is so you.
How did I forget that smell?

I had forgotten that look,
that rumpled look you wear in the mornings
I had forgotten the reassurance
Of listening to you drumming the keys of the computer
How did I forget that face with a slight subtle and a look of intense concentration?

I had forgotten
that you like your coffee with one spoon sugar
very less milk and boiling hot
I almost forgot your favourite dishes too
How did I forget that you like your dosa soft and not paper thin?

I almost forgot to
kiss you goodbye as I used to daily as you leave
It was a startling revelation That I forgot.
It scared me that I forgot our daily ritual.
How did I forget?

I forgot small things,
But I remembered YOU.
With every minute that passed by
and with every breath I took.
thats as true as scouts honour.

Thanks for coming home to me.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Re-engineering!

I used to find the bare walls of my home scary. I was damn bored of the striped cotton curtains. I had problems with the way the house was. Just BARE and cold. I stopped cribbing and got to work.

I put up really cute curtains.

I painted pots.

I painted every terracota item I ever own.

I picked pretty (and expensive) flowers for my vase.

I have indoor plants in a corner.

Did a little bit of furniture re-arrange.

All I need now are:
1. A photo wall
2. Cute self-made warli paitings around the boring switchboards.
(Btw, I am still negotiating to paint the precious walls :D)
3. Yet another tanjore paiting of radha-krishna
4. Planning a terracota corner.

Suddenly the boring four walls seems like a home. A much warmer place to come back to. There is still work pending, but what the heck, come home and  you will know now, what I am talking about!