This post is not a rant, nor is it to increase my post count. Today is my dearest sister's 5th Death Anniversary.I wanted to write to her. Shout and Yell. That is all. Feel free to skip this post.I won't mind.
You went. Just like that. Without saying Goodbye. Without giving me that final hug and a peck on my cheek. Without turning back even once. "Kozhandaiya paathukko", were your final words to me. It rings in my ears even today. I looked at you through the grills of the elevator for the last time as you stood at the door with a blank look.It has been 5 years. That you moved on after having left every one of us in despair,misery and tears that don't stop at your thought.
I pray for V, every time i fold my hands in prayer to GOD up above. I pretend that you are living somewhere far away and i cannot meet you right now. It eases the pain for a while. But it does not erase it. I cannot stop my tears which drop every time i pass by that road where you lived. That road where we walked. That restaurant where we went for dinner.I cannot bear that pain at all at those times.
Are you with us? Can you see us go on with life? Do you see us when we silently weep for you? Do you see us when we smile and laugh at jokes and be happy? Are you safe where ever you are? Can i please hold you for one last time? If you say yes, i will hide you where Gods cannot find you and never give you up.Ever.I just wish, i could see you again.Hear that laughter again. See those eyes gleaming with mischief.Hear those absolutely witty and wacky one-liner comments of yours, that would have me rolling on the floor laughing.I miss you and i will miss you till the last day of my life.Diwali can never really be the same without you.Every occasion, every festival will be incomplete without you.Tell me, how do i react when peripa calls out to me and says, "Appdi illa Utthu" and suddenly realises that is it me and not you that he is talking to.
I cannot bear the thought, Utths, that you are gone, and I am alive.It has taken 5 years, and not sunk in completely.I suppose, it never will sink in.I will keep you alive in my heart for as long as i live.I still cannot cannot bear the thought, Utths, that you are gone and i am alive.