Friday, January 30, 2009

She hides..

As a child, she always loved to play hide-and-seek. She grew up never really realising, when and how it became an integral part of who she became as a person. As she grew up to be a warm and a sensitive woman, and began to observe people, she realised most of them were out there to hurt another person. By deed or by words. Cutting words and actions, which would instantly cut her quick.

She developed this habit of hiding then. She would just hide. Hide her tears behind her thick glasses, hide her emotions deep within her heart, hide all the hurt deep in her mind. Always ready to forgive and move on...but never to forget. She never forgot a single incident. She always remembered everything bad that had happened to her. But she never shared them, with anyone. Even if she did, it would be a small part of the entire situation.

She always thought of everyone as "good". Her well-wishers and close friends always told her, "Not all are like you.There are bad people in this world.Learn to differentiate between good and bad.You cannot survive otherwise".She would smile and nod. Deep in her heart, she knew she was incapable of branding someone "Bad".

She learnt quickly to distinguish between positive and negative comments and statements. Life then taught her lessons to face such people. With a warm smile sometimes. With a kind word sometimes, sometimes just moving away from that place. She realised people who try to hurt others are sad within. But at that moment, they have a negative energy within. To vent that, they use others as a target. They are not bad people.He/She is never bad as a person.Time is sometimes bad, moods are sometimes bad.Words are sometimes bad. That is it.

Now, she does what she has learnt best. She hides...with a smile.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It will pass..I hope.

Sometimes there is so much pain,
That there is a sharp pain in the head,
Vision blurrs and the world around spins,
That moment passes, and time moves on.

There is sometimes pain,Then there is more pain,
And then there is numbness,
Feels as if someone has splashed ice-cold water,
That moment too passes, and time moves on.

A once-upon-a-time cheerful heart,
That was once filled with content,
Is now half-empty and yearns for familiarity
This moment too will pass, and time will move on.

@Woo, Amma, Appa,
I miss you.

Note to Friends (those of who read my blog, and i love you for it) and Family (other than The-Husband, noone reads it):
1.Do NOT panic.
2.Wriiten in a state of homesickness. Don't give too much thought. This 'will' pass or so I'd like to tell myself.
3.In fact, dont bother to read this post :D (Am just posting to increase my post number. This is number 79 by the way :D) Why else did you think? ;-)

Note to The-Husband:
1.I dont need to write notes to you, You know me better than my mirror knows me [i'd like to tell that to myself and the world ]


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

When i am Alone...I.. Listen!

I dont like being alone. Be it going shopping,for a walk,eating out or watching cinema.Most of all,I hate eating alone.At home or elsewhere. I mean, i really H.A.T.E it. Today was one of those very rare occasions where i had no company for lunch. I decided i would eat alone and just get done. Ordered bread and jam and sat down for a bite. The cafeteria was extremely crowded and noisy.I swore under my breath and wondered if this place would ever get a moment of peace here! If i had been there with a group, i would never have noticed the noise in the first place, instead would have added a few hundreds of decibels to the noise around.

Yenihoo, Sorry for the digress. (Before you get bored , give-up on me and leave this page, let me tell you, i am getting to the point.)

So when i am alone in crowded places, i look at people, observe their expressions and sometimes make up random stories about them (ya, its one of my quirks), but i admit have never payed much attention to what those faces were saying

So (again) the point is, i was eating alone and i caught a few snippets of conversation.

Guy1 to Group:Have you guys tasted gujarati khaana? Tried Khaakra or Dhokla?
A Bored Gal in Group: Ya..the paapad and idly like thingies?
Guy1 (ob a gujju): Ya ,Shit Maaan, i miss it all soooo much

Girl1 (whiney voice) to other Girls in group : I am not finding a maid only in bangalore
Another Girl from group:Contact an agency no? They are expensive but.
Girl1:Ya da, bangalore is bloody soooo expensive (sighs) .I wish my mom would come and help me for a few days. I just feel like putting my son with her and sleeping for 10hrs..(sighs again).

Man1 : So do you know whats latest on the Satyam scam?
Man2: Yeah, the guy got bail it seems!! Darn..

Man1:So what special this weekend
Man2:Am going to eat non-veg after 2 months! My vegetarian wife is going to her dad's place.(Smiles peacefully)

Man1:I enjoy having lunch with this team
Man2:Yeah..we do enjoy when we are together.Full of jokes. But we are very committed when it comes to work .Right guys?
Man1:So, whats hapening with the FPS project?Is it on time?
Girl1:Oh yes. We are well ahead of schedule.The customer is quite pleased.

Girl1 to Girl2 (looking around to see if someone was watching her, lowering her tone):So, How was it last night? with him i mean..

Man1:Heard the inspirational speech by Barrack Obama?
Girl1:Yeah..he is kinda cute no?

Girl1:My mother-in-law is the wickedest thing that happened to the world
Girl2:Take mine then no? (lots of laughter at the table)
Girl1:The only good she has done is given birth to my husband.
Girls-in-Group : :| (They don’t know how to react and hence keep quiet)

Girl1(excited high-pitched tone):Know what? theres a 50% Off SALE at Shoppers Stop and Westside at Garuda Mall! Gets go na please? My boyfriend has anyway gone out of town.
Girl2:No ya, no money, also where do we get time in the weekend? I have to clean the kitchen,the 2 bathrooms and my husband's cupboard. Cha, its a huuuge mess!

Meghna:Guys, have the requirement on the EM Dashboard project freezed?
Guy1:Ya Megh, will mail you the updates post-lunch.

Girl1 (Smiles coyly and blushes):I am going to meet Rahul today, after Threeeee fulllll days!
Girl2(Winks): Wowww...Enjoy ! Have fun!! Be good to him ;)

I also noticed a couple of guys checking out other women walking past (and vice-versa) :D

This exercise (eating alone i mean) much more fun than i thought it would be.Much.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Desperate Mothers Out On a Bride Hunt !!

The desperation to find a "suitable","good-looking","well-educated", "well-behaved","spiritually-elevated" girl (ya ya, i fit all those) for a typical tam-bram boy is beocming increasingly difficult for the 'desperate-mothers-out-on-a-bride -hunt' (lets call them DMOOBH) of these "US-based","IT-employed","MS" boys. I have come accross various such *embarrassing* and most often comical instances where such DMOOBHs have walked up to me and asked for my mom's number.Put into such situations i would be very polite.

DMOOBH: "I am looking out for my son, where do you live?"
Me: "Who me? Sorry, i am engaged"

DMOOBH: "My son is a BE ma.Avanukku ponnu tedaren"
Me: "Oh nice, I am working on my Ph.D ,maami."
DMOOBH:" "Appdiya..nanna padi ma."

...and many more such instances.

Yesterday's incident was the jewel on the crown of such comedies. I went to Tirumalagiri kovil and happened to attend a Tiruppavai upanyasam.It so hapens that the toe-ring on one of my feet are very loose, so i am wearing toe-ring on one feet and nothing on the other.

While listening to the upanyasam, i folded the feet that had the toe-ring on and kept the other feet without the toe-ring forward.I was unaware of the fact that one such DMOOBH was sitting next to me. She looked at my feet (without the toe-ring ) and started questioning me!

DMOOBH: "Nee yenga irukke?" [where do you live]
Me:"Inga kitte JP nagar" [Close-by, JP nagar]
DMOOBH:"Enna pannra?" [What do you do?]
Me: (very confused and wondering why is she questioning me!) "Work pannaren" [I work]
DMOOBH:(eyes lit-up) "Unga appa number kudu" (Give me your dad's number)
Me: (bulbed totally) "Yean maami?" [Why maami?]
DMOOBH: (sly look) "Illa engaathula payyan irukkan" [No, i have a son..]
Me: (flabbergasted) "Ayyo maami, naan ennoda maamanaar oda vandurken"
[I have come with my Father-in-law]
DMOOBH: (dejected) "Kaal la metti illaye" [you are not wearing toe-ring?]
Me: "Inda kaal la irukke!!" [its there on this feet !]

Came back home and had a sooper good laugh. Acion item of the weekend. Get that blasted toe-ring fixed!

These DMOOBHs i tell you!

Monday, January 12, 2009

The wedding and beyond..Thus far

The wedding hullabaloo gave us a few moments to cherish :) and a few to forget.
A wonderful and memorable relaxed week at Rajasthan, visiting palaces, forts and lakes and some amazing sunsets at Jaipur,Jaisalmer Samdunes,Jaisalmer City,Jodhpur,Udaipur,Chittorgadh,Pushkar.The week flew past and gave me loads of smiles, fun, jokes and poems! Back to Bangalore and a week of office work and cleaning and unpacking gripped Balaji and me. The last two weeks of a very laid back holiday at Podhanur,Coimbatore made me very homesick and sick with Viral infection.

I admit that i yearn to wake up to amma's samayal smell, the familiar agarbatti smell,the sound of her DivyaPrabandam chants,the sound of my dad yelling "Vayyuuu, where is the Tax file?" , the sight of Charu rolled up into the razai, the sound of sun music channel,neighbour's rock music,another neighbours guitar, familiar smell of my house err, my dad's house, familiar bed and pillow and a hundred other familiar things i am used to.I yearn for all of them.A change is indeed hard to accept.Its sometimes harder than i thought it would be. A lump forms in the throat on and off and goes away after a few times i swallow hard and blink my eyes to brush away the tears.I would like to think i am OK and all will be fine.But i still yearn.
Satisfy myself and tell myself that i am living with a guy who loves me and will do anything to see me smiling and happy.That is indeed just what makes the ride worthwhile!

Now that i am back to Bangalore and i am trying to set into a routine of cooking..err..learning to cook, cleaning, hanging wet clothes and folding dried ones,general house-work,office work, music, a little bit of writing, trying small surprises to keep the husband happy, making up new stories to keep him entertained,finding out what makes his deep dimple appear, find out exactly how he likes his coffee,finding out his favourite music,faking anger and making him pacify me ;), eat ice-creams in the middle of the night,keep tab of friends and family ...all this in a day's work.

I was and still am terribly apprehensive and wonder how my cooking will be. Will salt be enough? Have the vegetables cooked enough? I ask him and he says "I will eat anything you make. So dont worry.I have seen days where i could not get curd rice also to eat, so anything you make will be fine.". If at all i ask him how the food is, he says "Good effort.Needs a little more salt" or "Its good, leave the vegetables to boil a little more from next time". And its said in such an encouraging tone, that I fall in love with him...all over again!

I would like to think that i am managing so far and managing pretty decent compared to the way i was at dad's place.I have always been afraid to light the stove/lamp/crackers or anything that ahs to do with fire. Everytime i have done that in the past, i have hurt myself. I am now figuring out the fact that i need to stock up burnol in the kitchen. Looks like i will use it more than i will use table salt :|

Small things like drawing a Kolam, lighting the lamp,cooking, cleaning,folding clothes, all of which used to be taken care of by my Amma and i just used to go to office , come back and food would be hot in the table and sometimes (read most often ) would be fed to me directly.I yearn for it all. But i am learning to do all this on my own so its fun.For me.

So that was a brief about my wedding and beyond. I will be back with a travelogue of Rajasthan and pics soon.

Friday, January 9, 2009

2008..The year that it was

Life has certainly changed in 2008. I would like to list some major events that the year saw

-Grandpa's death. A loss that cannot be measured or expressed in words.
-Formed Family google group and we are closer to one another than ever before and i am more than thankful for technology.
-Found two amazing music guru's SK and Viji.
-an online musical family that i found Bala Anna, SK, Sai, Maythini,PK. These are a bunch of people i am ever greatful to and they have an important place in my daily prayers.
-Special mention to Sampath nAnA and family :) Found a whole lot of friends, brothers and sisters through him!
-Found that my interest in Carnatic music grew by leaps and bounds.
-"Groom-hunt-for-Vasu" Project finally got its end-date :-)
-I found my Prince-Charming. He came, He saw and He conquered my heart ...and my soul.
-As always, expectedly the most unexpected happens with me , and i ended up getting married (and very happily so mind you :D)
-Found that i could hide the-fact-that-i-am-terriblly-homesick with a smile :)
-My adventures in the Kitchen will be published very soon as a book. Please buy it. :)

I dont quite have a new-year-resolution list. I have grown-up and realized there is *no* point in making them and breaking them every year. So i just intend to

-Learn driving
-Learn cooking (without burning the kitchen or myself down)
-Continue music lessons (learn loads of Dikshitar Krithis)
-Learn Tiruppavai
-Visit Ahobilam
-Shed Weight
-Do a little bit of Yoga.
-Learn to keep quiet in moments of anger and not react on the spur of the moment without thoughts of aftermath.

I think and i hope this a do-able list.

You enjoy yourself, Live to the fullest everyday and remember to reduce the waste of plastic, paper and petrol. Also remember to save power and water for the future generation.

Chase all the blues, Live Green and be Pink with health: D

Hope you have a Colorful and a musical Year ahead.

I wish you all a very happy and a healthy 2009.

Love,Luck and Prayers,