Lost and trying to be found.

I have been walking and walking and walking. I get tired. I decide to turn back. Suddenly tired and terrified. I had no place to go to that I could call my own. Nobody whom I could call my own either. There was no voice in my head. No song on my lips. No light in my eyes. No warm clothes as I shivered in the wind.

Thats when I saw her. 


She had a similar look on her face. I started looking at her more closely and could almost read her thoughts. Wherever she turned, she found people with malice. Hating her. Waiting for a chance to put her down. Waiting to screw her relationships. Waiting to ruin her happiness. She was just wandering around. Trying to go away to some place where nobody knew her. Where she knew nobody. She wanted to just go away. But she wanted to go home too. She was lost. Confused and very tired with it all. Just as I was.

But those moments passed, and she knew, she was strong. She could come out of this.  Like she had done hundreds of times before.

And seeing her so strong, I drew strength and I knew I would reach home too. Safe and sound.

Day-dream

I have been day dreaming. Again.

Making sand castles, collecting shells, getting just my feet wet in the salty water. Running behind the wave when it is retreating and screaming and running back towards the shore when a big wave chases me. And then, sitting quietly on the sand and watching the waves crash the shore as the sun says goodbye for the day, promising to come back the next day.

Sitting and watching as the moon comes up. Shining its light on the thousands of stars that twinkling their eyes at you. As if saying, "I know what mischief you are upto, you brat", as you grin back wickedly at them.

Just sitting for sometime without any deadlines, without any fear of tomorrow, without any weight on the shoulder. I so badly want that connect with mother nature, letting her wash gently over me and heal me. Enveloping me in an invisible hug. Because, I so badly want one right now.

Suddenly snapped into reality, as my tummy growls for some yummy right now. I will go and continue my day-dream when my oats is bulbing on the stove. Bye for now.

Its Complicatedly Simple

Eh? What? Complicatedly Simple? Is that even a thing?

Yes. It is. Our relationships are complicated and our relationships are simple.

My mother yells at me for something. Its complicated. I soothe her and give her an explanation. Its simple.

I am angry with my husband. He is angry with me. Its complicated. After 5 minutes of fuming, we reach out to each other. Cry if needed. Talk. Vent it out and get done with it. Its simple.

It works the same way with our in-laws.

We all need reassurances. To love, to be loved in return.
To feel secure and to be made to feel secure.

What does it make us? Does it makes us simply complicated?

No. I think, it makes us Human.

Awesomeness!

January 2012 has been such an awesome month. A first of many sorts.

Mangalore half-marathon. Many new dishes cooked @ home. Pani puri, paal payasam, vaazhathandu pacchadi, learnt a new recipe for soup. Need to make it this week and see how it turns out. Hardly ate out. Crossed off important items on the to-do list. Decluttered.

Generally satisfied with myself and the way life is treating us right now.

Hope for a great year ahead and many achievements ahead.

Whattay Month and Whattay Life! 'M Lovin It !

Huge Mess

I dont know whats this shady feeling I have.

Just feel like I am floating on water.

No idea of where, which direction, what I will hit on the way. Nothing.

Not happy. Not sad. Just numb, perhaps.

I dont know if I want to to be here or I want it to go away and leave me in peace.

Life goes on as usual. With no change. With all my loved ones safe and healthy.

What is it then? I find myself wondering.

Is it the random bits of music that plays on my mind.

Or is it random voices, snippets of forgotten conversation that are cropping up.

Or are the forgotten faces (or the ones that I have been trying to forget) being unearthed.

What is stranger is that, I dont even know if I like it or not.

All in this mess between two pretty ears of mine. So much mess. So much.

2012 : Week 1

Happy New Year Everyone!

I had a fabulous start to the year.
-Spent a quiet day @ home on 1st.
-Made pani puri @ home for niece and nephew and we had a riot family time!Btw, Every week, I plan to cook something new (with minimal damage to the kitchen and self ofcourse!) . Plan for Week 2 is Minestrone soup. Watch this space for exciting updates ;-)

- Learnt a new Annamacharya Krithi :-)
- Read 2 books back to back and enjoyed them both.
- Met my best friend and family during the first weekend of the year.  Woot.
- Work has been pretty quiet with most of my developers being on leave :=)
- Celebrated ARR's birthday in the best possible way. By listening to his awesome music and raving about it on chat with my friend and cousin. Yay! Fun times!
-Did not eat out even once during this whole week. I am now officially proud of myself and my cooking abilities.
-Did not go shopping or even think about it. (well, okay thought about it 4 times, but did not go shopping. Really.)
-Have a leg injury and not been running. Cycled around instead. Need to get better soon. Wish me Luck!! 
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you this!!!
-Got chased by a dog. Screamed so loudly that the dog got scared and ran away.
-Was sitting quietly on a bench waiting for Balaji, and one lady from the first floor almost threw a bucket of water on me. She actually threw it, the water splashed 2 meters away from me. I swore. Loudly.
-Other than this, dont remember doing any major comedy.

Hope Week2 is as good as this one minus the dogs and buckets of water being thrown on me :-)

Cheers! See you next week if I dont have any brainwave to write about in the interim.

Lowve and all that.

2011

Some awesome things that went past...

1. Finished 10k in 3 running events.
2. Became a published writer. Yay.
3. Got lovely music gurus.
4. Drove 200kms on the coimbatore-bangalore highway.
5. Got a lovely garmin forerunner gadget. Double yay.
6. Most of the gifts I gave people this year were handmade.
7. Attended a 2 day spiritual retreat by velukkudi swamy. My year was made then itself!
8. Tried to lead a de-clutered life...not succeeded completely.
9. Learnt to cook healthy and have almost stopped wasting food. Win.
10. Made an attempt to talk to family and friends and keep in touch. Have a long way to go to improve this one..
11. Read some lovely books that inpired me to be a better person.
12. Wrote less. But wrote well ( i think) and hope i can do better in 2012.
13. Made atempts to lead life by being a little spiritually elevated. Major room for improvement here.
14. Wrote 2 whitepapers. Yay.

Had a very very bad year professionally. Moved to a new role and excited about it! Hope 2012 is better!

Very simple aspirations for 2012.

Live healthy. Live happy. Keep everyone around happy.

Cheers and have a good one!